Archive for February 2012

Pizza Drivers Lobby for Delivery Decency Act

pizza152x124WASHINGTON DC — The nations bright eyed, bushy tailed delivery youth have seen their fair share of shock and awe to put an Iraqi veteran to shame; and they’ve finally had enough. In a bold move, the nations delivery drivers have sought support from the teamster and truck driver unions for a shred of decency. With pizza delivery drivers leading the way, drivers have seen their fair share of traumatic nudity including, fat men in thongs, fat women in thongs, breasts that sag below belly buttons, talking leather bags, leather queens, feather scenes, inter-species erotica and all of the above in a gimp mask. Employers have chosen to take a neutral stance on the subject citing the high amount of turn over and missed time due to post traumatic stress disorder, therapy, irrational fears of approaching closed doors and severe sexual dysfunction. While the group seeks to make it at least a misdemeanor to reveal yourself to a delivery driver not suited to community standards, lobbyist lawyers warn, seeking stiffer punishments, such as felonies, based on weight and age may find roadblocks with anti-discrimination groups. In rallies conducted nationwide, drivers and teamsters chanted their cause citing, “No Shirt, No Pants, No Way, No Service!”.